This is my new creation: "Snow flowering cabbage". Makes for an odd but interesting picture. Today we really got hit and about 6 inches at first then changed to rain ice mix. I am hibernating for now because I find that is the best way to stay out of danger or in other words, Southern drivers. Watch it will probably be in the 70's for Christmas.
Janie was just over three years old and it was family reunion time. She was very excited that everyone was coming to the farm, especially her Great Aunt Mary. Aunt Mary wasn't like so many other ladies in the family. She always had a hug and a kiss for Janie, and she would let you talk. Of course Janie still had to learn all the right things to say. It was so hard for Janie to be prime and proper, still she would do it for Aunt Mary.
Oh, she had arrived. Janie could hardly stand still, yet she knew she must because she would get a kiss. Yes Janie did, and she also learned how to place knives, forks and spoons beside each of the plates. The napkins were special too for they were linen, they to had a special place. Then Aunt Mary showed Janie how to sit and place a napkin in her lap carefully placing one hand over the other and above all sit still and you mustn't speak unless spoken to. Oh, this part was so very hard to do, for Janie was just bursting inside to say all the things she had learned and experienced since last she had seen Aunt Mary.
The great oak table had all the extra leaves and the linen table cloth was pressed, not one wrinkle. How could there be so much food? Beef, pork, chicken and most of all a huge bowl of mashed potatoes with wonderful butter dripping down the sides. Janie had helped make the butter and had even had a small glass of buttermilk; it was heaven, she thought. She also knew that in the big pantry with all the high shelves were all kinds of pies and cakes, just out of reach for Janie had stood on tippy toes to try. Then Janie spied the most wonderful sight of all. Scalloped potatoes and ham. How would she keep from wanting to lick the plate? Had she not been taught: waste not-want not!
The dinner was going wonderful and everyone was laughing and talking. Janie did not talk for she had not been spoken to. Little ladies did not know about tractors, farm animals, hay or crops. She really did though because she had ridden on the tractor and fed the animals hay. So why couldn't she talk about these things? Janie did however watch Aunt Mary and learned what each fork and spoon was and when to use these implements.
Soon everyone was finished with all the wonderful food. The chatter began and there was so much laughter. How Janie wished to be part of all this gaiety. Aunt Mary was sitting quietly with her hands in her lap and Janie did the same. OH finally, she was being addressed. Aunt Mary had asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up, Janie?"
Janie pondered this special question and then gave her best honest answer.
"Oh Aunt Mary, I want to grow up to be just like you, an Old Maid."
You could hear a pin drop for a hundred miles it was so quiet. Janie heard Grand Mother clear her throat and I knew this usually meant trouble. Not this time, for Aunt Mary intervened and kissed my forehead and said, "I am so glad and so proud of you Janie."
I will say that the next time I received a spanking, I do think I received 'one for good measure'.
Too many relationships are based on physical and sexual attraction. It took me many years to discover the shallow thinking of so many people.
I had lived a sheltered life growing up on the farm. I thought when you said, "I love you", it came from the heart and was spoken truthfully. I had no idea it was merely a way for another person to use you, for what ever was convenient for their needs.
I failed miserably when it came time to pick a life time mate. After two complete failures, I gave it up as a lost cause. I threw myself into my job and raising my two children. Even that proved to be a challenge, for the whole world was changing so fast. The children grew up, left and I was a lone. It felt as if a cocoon had enveloped my life.
Then one night I wakened from a realistic dream. There was no one to discuss it with, but there it was popping up when I least expected.
The phone rang; my brother was gone from lung cancer. The trip to his funeral was 800 miles. Everyone was on edge during the trip. After wards, I was asked to stay and help my brother's wife. I really didn't know her, but something kept tugging at my heart to stay. She didn't take to being a lone, and would drag people back to the house all hours of the day and night. Then she decided to play match maker. I flatly turned the gentleman down three times, but no one listened.
There I was, in my mid forties and this man was very attentive. Everything was falling into place so fast. As we drove up the long curving driveway past the little vine covered church, to the home place, my dream from six months earlier finally made sense. I knew I had found my soul mate and he also knew he had found his soul mate.
It hasn't been hard or painful to love completely for either of us. Nineteen years later we are still so very much in love.
I add this with a heavy heart.
Just over one month ago my beloved passed and has gone to where no harm will ever befall him.
He was diagnosed with a very rapid growing cancer two days after this article was composed. One month later he was gone.
I shall forever be grateful for the nineteen years of complete happiness and that he at least knew not to pay any attention to my saying I did not wish to date him.
Please take my true words and don't turn your back to soon, or you may never know true, complete happiness.
There are moments in a man’s life when a wish or a dream is fulfilled. Today is that day August 28, 2010. Young love, true love born in reality of the open sea.
Sleek in her lines, smooth and gentle as she sways and awaits your touch. You take command, you feel the warmth and she responds taking you with her to the height of passion as your heart beats wildly. The air is fresh and clean as you both ride the cresting waves. You lead as she responds to your touch, the joy of being as one, going to a higher ecstasy never before felt. The rapture over takes with each crest and ebb of the waves as the peak of passion is to the point of complete satisfaction.
As moonlight filters through, she sways gently and in her rhythm you find the peace of a love you will always hold in your heart. Drifting together you will awaken and once more know she is yours to take to the dizzying heights of the perfect wave of a passion beyond all expectations.
Today has been one of remembering. I believe it has been brought on because a song keeps popping in my head and won't go away. "Yesterday"! I came across this story I had written just before my husband was diagnosed with the deadly brain tumor. We would sit and talk for hours and then he suggested I write the story of my art in Heaven.
Here it is, enjoy!
When artists are gathered at a show, they tend to brag on the amount of art they have sold and where their art is around the world. I had only been attending shows for two years and my bragging rights were mainly the eastern half of the United States, no grand foreign countries. My shows were limited to the enclosed mall in a tourist area of the Outer Banks of North Carolina, where about six shows a year were scheduled.
I soon got over being shy and would remember people that had admired and possibly bought a piece of my art. There were a couple artists that took me under their wings and would help me, especially in pricing, and encouraging me every step of the way to be successful.
I had recently raised my prices, as suggested, when this priest that often walked through the mall to check out the work the artists had on display stopped at my booth and said, "I would like to buy one of your lighthouse etchings before you get to famous and I can't afford one."
Naturally I was so happy with a successful weekend.
About a year passed and I noticed the priest once again looking at my art. I wanted him to know that I had appreciated his patronage and that I recognized him. I shyly asked if he was enjoying the light house etching, and he replied, "Oh that wasn't for me, that was for my boss."
My mouth dropped open as I gazed towards Heaven. After several seconds, my husband realized I was in shock and gently poked me in the ribs to bring me back down to earth. He whispered to me, "I don't think he means that high up."
My face turned red as the priest smiled, winked and walked on. My husband lets my imagination run and lets me have my delusion that I have a piece of art in Heaven by saying, "Just be glad you didn't have to pay the freight."
The daily calendar diary from her birth flashed as did the lightning. Janie was born amidst the violence of WWII with all the doctors and medicine being sent to the war. It was June of 1944 and Janie was two months old. It was haying season and all the available relatives had come to help. They also wanted to see the beautiful new baby girl. One of the relatives was contagious with whooping cough. This was the beginning of almost a year long fight for survival. Every day the calendar read, still no medicine, we almost lost little Janie again today.' Then on April 8, 1945 the entry read, Janie made it today she is one year old.'
The year Janie turned seven a tragic accident took the sight of her left eye. This was the beginning of a life long struggle for survival in many different forms. At age thirteen the operations were still not successful. Then at the tender age of seventeen she married and eleven months later gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. She felt that life was good and she was content and happy. Then at age nineteen Janie was informed by her doctors that the left eye would have to be removed immediately. Little did Janie know that she was also four weeks pregnant? The operation was successful and she then received the newest style plastic eye that moved just like the other eye. She also gave birth to a lovely baby girl. Life seemed to be good, but on her twenty-first birthday her husband decided to celebrate and left Janie home to tend the children. She was awakened near three in the morning barely able to breathe and feeling heavy blows to her face around her left eye. She could feel the life slipping from her body as her drunken husband choked and beat her attempting to kill her. Survival hit Janie as she found enough strength to fight free not knowing that her three year old son had already ran from the house for
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Help. The last words she heard before she collapsed were, "I can't stand your eye." He ran and was never seen or heard from again.
Janie not only picked herself up and carried on but she also had two small children that she had to see survive too. Janie threw herself into raising her children and for many years didn't feel the need for a husband. As she headed for what is known as the middle ages she again attempted a relationship which failed as well. She returned home from a family funeral and found her picture tacked to the garage wall with a bullet hole through the left eye. Janie's survival instinct kicked in fast as she and her newly widowed sister-in-law packed what few clothes and personal items they could and left and never looked back.
Janie wanted nothing more to do with men at this point in her life but fate change the path once again. She had refused to date this one persistent gentleman. Then due to a fake note Janie ended up on a date with him. That night both their lives changed and a love so true and complete caught them both off guard. They spent the next nineteen years in wedded bliss, happiness and love. Janie was content as was her husband. Then in two short months happiness was snatched from her by a quick growing cancer. Her husband was taken from her and she was once again faced with survival alone.
Janie lived quietly doing what she had done before so many years ago. Then two days after her sixty-fourth birthday a note arrived on her computer simply stating, "I'll be watching for you." Feelings swept through Janie identically to the ones the day she had won the lottery so many years ago. These feelings always meant only good things to come. Sure enough he was there and a friendship grew and as with many there were some hitches to over come. That we have done. Janie will continue to survive but she wants desperately to see these words in her next instant message.
This is a very special day for Janie, for she just celebrated her third birthday. Janie is going to visit the most special, most wonderful man in the whole world. Today Janie can talk as much as she wishes because today she is going to see her Grand parents on her Mom's side of the family.
Janie is very excited because she received her first pair of shoes that had never been worn by her older sister. They were white with a strap and buckle. The nine mile ride seemed like a hundred. Finally they arrived. She didn't have to walk like a lady today, Janie skipped all the way to the front porch, hopped up the steps and peeked through the screen door to see if Grand Dad was in his rocking chair by the door.
Yes, he was; he looked like a giant sitting there waiting for Janie to arrive. Janie slipped through the door and with a giggle showed Grand Dad her special shoes. He told her they were the prettiest shoes he had ever seen, he would like to wear them himself. Janie was so tickled by this statement,and up she went into his arms. She wrapped her tiny arms around his neck as he told her "Happy Birthday". Janie loved Grand Dad, with his snow white wavy hair, shoulders as broad as Texas and a heart and smile that big too! He stood six feet four inches tall, as well which really was a giant to Janie.
Lunch with Grand Dad was always fun for he ate dessert first, that way he knew he would enjoy and have room for his dessert. Now Janie was watching ever so closely to see if she could discover how he made the peas stay on the knife when he ate the peas. She tried, and the peas failed to stay on the knife. Grand Dad's jovial laughter echoed through out their home. Janie really knew that today was special because she was then given a knife with sticky stuff on it. Grand Dad dipped the knife into the peas and gave it to Janie. Sure enough, not a single pea fell off. The sticky stuff was so sweet and Janie learned it was honey.
It was soon time to take a walk down the lane. Janie chattered away asking Grand Dad questions about everything they passed. A hop toad, a turtle and many birds all different colors and sizes. They were nearing the railroad tracks and Janie listened intently to see if she could hear the "choo-choo-train" first. She knew it was near because Grand Dad lifted her up in his arms so she could see the train as it rounded the bend near a large stand of trees. Oh what great fun to wave at the train. They blew the great big whistle, clanged the bell .
And big white puffy clouds came out of it, too. Then at the end was the red caboose and someone always stood on the back and waved to them. They knew Grand Dad for he worked on the train during the depression.
As they strolled back toward the house they took a detour toward the garden. They had to check for potato bugs on the plants. Janie was hoping with all her heart that the "Skeeter-Skater" would come to help. He was the neatest, best helper. A great giant mosquito that wore ice skates and helped Grand Dad with all the chores. Janie sneaked through the plants and tall grasses hoping to see the "Skeeter-Skater". She couldn't find him, but Grand Dad knew right where to find him. He took Janie by the hand to the front porch, then Janie bent down and looked through the tiny holes in the lattice work. Quietly they went back inside to their favorite spot, Grand Dad's rocking chair. Grand Dad told Janie that the "Skeeter-Skater" needed to get some sleep because he had helped chop at least three cords of wood. Grand Dad had also worked as a lumber jack during the lean times. They then loaded the huge sled with wood and the "Skeeter-Skater" would glide across the pond very rapidly. Grand Dad was so lucky to have a friend like the "Skeeter-Skater". Maybe some day Janie could have a pair of skates and help too.
Grand Dad left when Janie was only eight years old, but the "Skeeter-Skater" was always sleeping when Janie came to visit her Grandma. Many years later and Janie has children of her own, she and the children along with Janie's Mom drove down to see Grand Dad's home. Janie noticed that the lattice work was practically down. She stopped the car, walked to the porch, bent down; Janie knew then, at age 33 that her beloved Grand Dad and "Skeeter-Skater" were both having a grand time in Heaven.
Janie drove slowly back towards the highway, tears streaming down her cheeks. She then was brought back to reality when she heard her son ask his Grand Mom, why mommy was sad. Grand Mom answered,
"Janie isn't sad, she only had to say good-bye to a very special friend".
Yes, Janie did get a pair of skates, and every winter as she glided across the lake she would smile and remember Grand Dad and his "Skeeter-Skater".
Today was to be a special day for Janie. School would once again start and her thirst for knowledge was bursting like an over filled water balloon.
September 6, 1951 was the day before, and the afternoon was very hot and humid with severe storms brewing like a secret potion in a witch's cauldron. Janie doesn't let this dampen her spirits for tomorrow she will be back in school. The storms are severe with tornadoes spawning from west to east across her beloved state of Michigan. Wreckage was heavy ending with a devastating hit on Flint, Michigan.
Janie arose the next morning only to find school had been canceled due to these storms. In the middle of the state where her family live, farm buildings and trees had been shredded and tossed about like tinker toys. All the people in her area had escaped with no loss of life.
It was then time to start the clean-up process and each person had their jobs to do with duties being assigned according to age. The three youngest consisted of her older sister, the youngest brother and Janie. She knew that the harder she worked the faster the next day would come and she would then go to school. Little did she know that her whole life would change drastically in one small moment?
Little brother did not wish to comply with the rules and as he defied his oldest sister's wishes, while Janie continued to do her tasks of picking up small branches and limbs. She was approximately twenty feet away when little brother threw one of his famous temper tantrums. He reached down and retrieved a heavy iron curtain rod; which in those days were used to hold the bottoms of the curtains straight and taut. He then hurled with all his might this heavy object directed at his oldest sister. His aim was off and the iron rod flew through the air striking Janie in the left temple and eye.
Janie fell to the ground immediately unconscious only remembering the pain and blood as she awoke traveling in a vehicle taking her far away from the farm. The next two weeks were a blur as the doctors operated three times trying desperately to regain Janie's eye sight.
Fate had played a cruel trick as Janie's life would never be one of the true happy, carefree days she had known and the life she so enjoyed. The learning would now be one of hurt, pain and loneliness. In spite of this tragic accident Janie continued her smiling happy ways and in her search of knowledge she discovered an inner strength and beauty which would see her through this life changing moment.
I usually write about my flowers and today you will learn about DIY! Due to a broken water pipe I have been for three weeks now demolition and remodel of kitchen. Today I was working on staining doors for new cabinets. It is a stain polyurethane combined. After completing the doors, I kept looking at the cut out from the counter where the sink is now placed. I am not one to let materials go to waste. The ol' gray matter is swirling in my brain. I decide it would be ideal for a cutting board, but decide to use my stain mixture on the back side to protect my new counters.
Now comes the fun story.
I finish the back and sides of the cut out from the counter and had decided to use a paint roller for a fast smooth job. I go out side to trash barrel, with paper towels and roller in hand. Of course when you apply pressure to remove said stained roller, it will always drip. Unfortunately it had to be my toes that were on the receiving end of this dripping stain. Very hot and humid here today so the toes are now sticking rapidly together. What a great time for the phone to ring! I am hopping through kitchen, dining room and living room to get to the phone and leave no toe prints in my wake!!! I explain to caller my predicament and hang up. Naturally there was not a drop of paint thinner in the house. I retrieve a bottle of rubbing alcohol and apply with paper towels to get toes unstuck. The bad news is, I have a new two toed nail polish which I don't wear nail polish at all. The good news is, I didn't leave any toe prints any where in my path. The picture is of the new cabinets where I cut the hole to fit over the new water pipes. That took me a while to get brave enough to cut the hole because I didn't wish to ruin my new cabinets with a mess around the pipes. I will say I am proud of my job so far, but I am far from finished.
After nursing this plant for three years I finally get to enjoy the beauty I was waiting for. My flowers were blessed with some early rain this spring, but now have been in drought condition again. I know this isn't in full glory yet, but will post again in a few days with "hopefully" all it's beauty.
Finally some relief from the heat and humidity, and the flowers were sure happy this morning, so here they are. The pink Calla Lily was hiding beneath the Easter Lily. One snowball after 10 years of nursing the bush, finally changed where it was planted and it loves it's new spot. My pictures wouldn't be complete without my Brow Eyed Susan's. To the right side of blog you will find the Gardenia bush in bloom and smelling delightful after the rain last night.
My tears fall freely from my eyes, For now I must truly say "Goodbye". Cousin Jan sleeps safely in God's arms, She will feel no pain, nor be in harm. Rest in peace my sweet cousin
Sorry but I have been a little busy, I will get back to regular posting and bring you up to date about my flowers and all things bright and beautiful. I completely redid four of my flower beds and am looking forward to seeing my lovely orchid lilies once again. They are already about one foot high. We have had some rain periodically so every flower and bush seems to be happy. As you know full moon is tonight and even though I have slept soundly, there has been traces of the reoccurring dream. I felt like I seen the hair but still no face. Oh well life goes on and if it happens then so much for mysteries. I finally went to have my blood checked, from the incident back in October when something poisoned my system so badly. Doctor says I have beautiful blood once again. OH NO, did I say full moon tonight!! Please don't let any vampires read this post.LOL
I have for the most part of my sixty five years lived I small towns. Never in my life had I encountered any trouble till I moved to a small community in North Carolina.
In twenty one years I have had bank statements opened. Bills missing causing extra money in canceled checks and late fees.
The most frustrating is the missing birthday and Christmas cards especially if they have an out of state return address. We have continually reported these actions to the stat postal inspector only to be told that there is a waiting list to be put on a waiting list for this area.
I have many times had to stand in line to mail a package for over half an hour with only three people in line. It is evident that the local gossip is more important than sending mail. Letters that should arrive in three days take upwards of six days.
The most outrageous incident was a birthday card sent to a special friend in Pennsylvania. I deposited the card at 11:45 AM in the inside slot for out of area mail. One hour later I received a phone call from a lady that recognized my name on a ripped check found in her front yard. We retrieved the ripped envelope, check and card. We proceeded to confront the post master only to be given excuse as to how it happened. They wanted the evidence and said they would handle the situation. We refused, sent the evidence to the Post master general for our state from a larger city out of state. Four weeks later the person mysteriously was replaced and sent to another state. During the remaining time we only received flyers and advertising.
We still have bank statements opened at least four times per year and certain cards missing from immediate family members out of state. The important mail that I have to send requires extra money due to certification, but at least I know they receive my messages.
I found this to be very accurate and hit the nail on the head for me.
This is a Chinese Feng Shui horoscope. Take a moment to take this test! If you are honest this tells the truth, it's pretty accurate. Write your answers on paper. Find out your horoscope at the bottom. 1. Which is your favorite color: Red, Black, Blue, Green or Yellow? 2. Your first initial? 3. Your month of birth? 4. Which color do you like more, Black or White? 5. The name of a person that is the same sex as you? 6. Your favorite number? 7. Do you like California or Florida more? 8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more? 9. Write down a wish (a realistic one) When you are done, scroll down.. Don't cheat!
Answers:
1. If you chose: Red - You are alert and your life is full of love. Black - You are conservative and aggressive.. Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back. Blue - You are spontaneous and love affection. Yellow - You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.
2. If your initials are: A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in your life. L-R You try to live your life to the max and your love life is soon to bloom. S-Z You like to help others and your future looks very bright.
3. If you were born in: Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.. Apr-Jun: You will have a strong love relationship that will last forever. Jul-Sep: You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good. Oct-Dec: Your life will be great, you will find your soul mate.
4. If you chose: Black: Your life is about to get better. You are more than ready for the change.. White: You have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it..
5. This person should be your best friend.
6. This is how many close friends you will have in your life time.
7. If you chose: California : You like adventure. F Florida : You are a laid back person.
8. If you chose: Lake : You are loyal to your friends and your lover. You are very reserved. Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.
9. This wish will come true if: before your next birthday.
I couldn't resist placing my picture where all could see the beauty of this bloom! It has been near sixty degrees and rained hard all night long. I finally ventured a peek outside and what did I see? Yes in all it's glory, and by tomorrow there will be more. Hyacinths, daffodils, tulips and even the hydrangea bush is sprouting. The temperature is falling fast and I'm glad some are hearty enough to with stand these sudden changes. Me I am still trying to figure out what I should do about many of my orchid and other lily bulbs that where to be transplanted last October when I was so ill from whatever poisoned my system. By time I was back on my feet it was so cold and rainy that I didn't venture outside. Enjoy!! Spring may be early since winter was.
Janie has always been a curious person. As a child, she would always ask questions of her Mother. Mom knew how and what to answer. Today Janie wishes for her Mother because she has questions many people would like to know the answer.
This question has been on Janie’s mind for many months. She laughs and jokes about this subject with friends and family. Deep down inside Janie finds she would like to know more about “Reincarnation”.
When you are raised in a Christian manner, you accept and believe what you are taught. Then out of nowhere some thing happens and you question your sanity, beliefs and all you have been taught.
Janie and her husband had both been very fond of wildlife and often would go for a drive through their area of residence to observe. Many times, just sitting on their patio, they could watch deer grazing, a possum searching for a scrap of food and both truly enjoyed watching the foxes. They never tried to tame these creatures for they were born wild and should remain wild.
Approximately a year and a half had passed since Janie’s husband had died. In her heart she felt he was in heaven. Late in April, Janie’s beliefs were shaken.
She had tossed some stale bread out for the birds or what ever creature passed through the back yard. Janie was standing by the open kitchen window when a fox appeared out of the slowly falling dusk. This fox immediately seemed different to Janie. It was in no hurry to grab the bounty and run as the others often did. This fox sat and slowly chewed each bite till all was gone.
The next evening Janie noticed the fox waiting patiently near the patio. Janie knew if she opened the door the fox would run for the cover of the woods. But this fox did not run. Watching Janie place the skin of the baked potato and pork chop bone on a paper plate the fox remained sitting quietly until Janie was back inside her home. Only then did the fox approach, sit and slowly enjoy the meal. Each day this fox appeared and Janie then observed that it was a female fox with nursing young. Then to Janie’s surprise the fox bowed its head. After the submissive gesture the fox looked Janie straight in the eyes. Janie’s heart skipped more than a few beats, for she had never seen a fox with eyes like this, for they were more of a human eye. Janie knew those eyes. She had gazed into them before.
Janie never knew what time or when this fox would appear. Janie observed from inside and would watch as this special fox would eat part of what was given, then bow toward the window, where Janie stood quietly watching, pick the rest of the food up in her mouth and leave. Janie was prepared the next evening with a set of binoculars. The same beautiful eyed fox followed the same ritual except for a different time pattern than the other foxes. Janie watched through the binoculars and discovered two small babies waiting.
Janie called her cousin long distance. They talked of family and friends. Finally Janie mentioned reincarnation and told her cousin of the strange female fox with twins. They both laughed for many times Janie’s husband had spoken to her cousin about the enjoyment of watching the foxes.
Janie and her cousin simultaneously said, “Well at least he knows what giving birth feels like, and it serves him right for coming back as a female fox.”
Janie was finally bringing her beloved husband home from the hospital. The doctor’s had questioned and explained in detail the stressful, strenuous and demanding nature of a husband dying. The doctor’s did not sugar coat this issue, therefore Janie knew it would be the end. Janie had promised many years ago that if it were within her power she would respect her husband’s wishes to die at home and not in a nursing home or hospital.
Janie had faithfully spent each day at the hospital through three weeks of tests, operation and removal of the horrid fast growing cancer in his brain. Never once did he forget who she was and how much they had lived and loved for one another. Theirs had been a love faithful and true for all nineteen years. Their anniversary had been only a week prior to his admission to the hospital and the discovery of this deadly tumor.
Every evening after leaving the hospital Janie would paint ceilings, wash walls, scrub carpets and floors in preparation for her husbands return home. Several times during the few quiet moments they would share between tests and relatives visiting, he would mention some thing that she had worked on the previous night instead of sleeping. Janie often felt his presence even though she was alone in their home. This was some thing Janie didn’t understand but for years they had talked about being able to will yourself some where and actually feel as if you were there.
When a person is so close to death some thing happens and they can see and talk to people as if they were alive or in the room. Janie’s husband often did this after he was home. The hospice head nurse and chaplain had explained these occurrences to Janie. He would often speak to his Mother and Father. For his Mother it was always a loving smile. For his Father it was to be forgiven for not taking proper care of the milk cow one hot summer day. Janie’s husband had told her of this incident, where at age sixteen he decided he was a man and didn’t have to do as his Father asked. He soon discovered that he wasn’t quite as grown up as he felt he was.
Janie had been told by the chaplain that if she knew what the circumstances which lead to these questions that it was fine to reassure her husband that he was forgiven. Often after each of these sessions He would go limp and almost lifeless.
One such incident caught Janie by surprise. It was three days before his death that Janie witnessed one such frightening occurrence. Janie had been told by the nurse that she would have to administer an enema at seven thirty the next morning. Janie admitted that she had never before given an enema to anyone. The nurse went over each step with Janie that evening before she left. The next morning by phone, as promised the nurse assured Janie that she could do this task.
Janie drew a deep breath and explained to her husband that she had to do this task. He smiled and gave her a kiss and helpfully posed himself in the proper position. Janie reassured her husband, as well as herself, and slowly with gentle pressure began the painful enema. Janie’s husband cried a mournful sob and in a voice she did not recognize he stated, “Stop this pain, I say stop it now. All you have ever done is to cause me pain.” Once again he called out his ex-wife’s name and stated, “You will never cause me pain again for I damn you to hell now.”Janie removed the empty enema bottle, pulled the protective sheet over her husband’s back side and on trembling legs she attempted to stand. Janie walked to the side of the bed for her husband lay still and to Janie, lifeless. Janie collapsed to her knees and gently placed her fingers on her husband’s wrist. Tears came from nowhere. Janie felt the loving touch of her husband’s hand against her cheek. He was smiling his little boy impish smile that Janie loved so very much and asked for a kiss. It was at that moment that Janie realized she had not been blamed for the pain administered moments before.
The nurse arrived moments later as did the chaplain. They both could see that Janie was visibly shaken. The nurse made an excuse for Janie and the chaplain to leave the room. It was hard to relive that moment but the chaplain reassured Janie all was well.
Two days later Janie was alone with her husband. Relatives, nurses and friends had been in and out most of the day. Janie stood by her husband’s bedside and talked gently as he lay there smiling. They had started the morphine about twelve hours earlier. In a slurred but loving voice Janie’s husband asked for a kiss good night. Upon receiving his kiss he said, “I love you Janie.” Janie’s palm of her hand lay against his and he smiled drew a deep breath and sighed. Janie’s fingers felt the life race from her beloved husband’s body.
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